Amish Country Club Blog

A Michigan mother of injustice Custody

I've never done anything like this before. I've never been in a desperate situation I'm in a bubble, soundproofed and the system does not hear my cries. I see, but pretend I'm not there. This is the Michigan Family Law and friend of the Court Division. It is our system which is supposed to have freedom, justice and freedom. I pray that you read to the end. Although this is my hell and my pain, this story must be heard. Please feel free to leave comments and publish the story in his blogs and various social marketing sites. It is imperative that we use our voices, otherwise this will continue happening to mothers who do not deserve. Justice must prevail, I have to get my daughter back, and biased officials in my case need to be reprimanded. This must up the political ladder and reach the stairs of the Supreme Court. I can not come alone.

I am a wife and mother of four wonderful children. We are a white collar American middle-class family. I'm so happy and grateful that we own a beautiful 2,500 square feet behind the 4th green golf prestige. Not always I was in that situation, most people do not. Start somewhere, and gradually improve ourselves with the combination of time, effort and experience. I consider myself normal. I, like most of you have experienced a significant relationship. I hurt. He failed and turned to things. I traveled a lot, I went to college. I am a deep thinker, a reader, and I am gentle. I love nature and respect for their anger. I'm not religious, but I am deeply spiritual. I am passionate about love and care for my children. I'm always looking …. search for truth, for the attention to authenticity. I am looking for the path that will ultimately be the "script "…. you know, this little mark on a tombstone that sits between the day they were born and the day …. After that is the script I mean.

I would ask, Are you the same? Probably. I'm grateful that we can redeem ourselves throughout our lives, to make better decisions, of course, correct, and we can make a mark be proud.

So why am I writing about the injustices of custody?

On January 22, 2009, I lost custody of my 9 year old daughter, the oldest of four. Do not lose custody because of abuse or illness, or because I was not prepared to care for her. Do not lose custody because of drugs or alcohol, or due to a lack of interest and participation in social and educational needs. Do not lose custody because she could not provide clothing, food, housing, or emotional support. I lost because of an incompetent judicial system with which accountability to a higher court or an officer is unlikely. Records are so tightly Michigan closed in the Family Court System that the probability of warning and justice is as likely as the morning sky turning yellow.

I disappointment was that a mother who is unable or unwilling to parents could lose custody of a child. I never dreamed that a mother who was competent, loving, stable, and will be losing his son.

I just raised my daughter and I was all alone during my pregnancy. Her father and I separated because he had some severe addiction to overcome and I did not want to know anything about it. When I told her about the pregnancy (which was immediately), denied responsibility. He began accuse me of being promiscuous. His parents and sister were aware of their addictions for the most part (you know who used drugs, but did not know to what extent), and they also began to propose that the baby was not his. Over the coming months, I began to look inside myself and had to make some very adult decisions.

He returned to Michigan with my family when I was 34 weeks' gestation. I felt it was the best he could do for myself and my unborn child. I would be in a safe, moral and love, receiving the support. The love and support is what I needed and I was not getting in Indiana. The father of my child unborn endorsement of the responsibility and I had to admit that we would be alone. I was about to embark on "single-parent families, a trip that I as the person who wanted to be, a trip that would be so treacherous at times, it would test my endurance to the core of my being. Still, I was ready to assume this.

He never married his father. After my daughter was born, I re-met a man I knew as a child and was pregnant again. I was on birth control when this happened and was devastated to be in this situation again. I married this guy 7 months later, still there was no son and were divorced when I was younger our 2. If you have not disappointed so far, it gets worse. I was pregnant again with someone who became the love of my life before our divorces were final. OUCH! If you are thinking that beguiled our ex-spouses, think again. That is why our previous marriage dissolved. I ended up marrying the last time, and the rest is history.

As for my pregnancy last surprise, in my mind then and still today almost 6 years later, I think the responsible and right action to take concerning my situation was to bring this pregnancy to term if it was socially acceptable or not. No person or tribunal shall have the right to impose his conviction as an absolute rule, if a law is not broken. For some dimensional irrational thought process, our society so eagerly meets, was labeled as immoral by the court, years later. I have not done anything for everyone else is not doing. Hello, people have sex. Some got pregnant, others do not. It is women who become pregnant are at a disadvantage. Think in this … when you have a big balloon belly, evidence that you engaged in sexual activities is obvious and clear. If you are in an effective contraceptive, no think about it. For a man, there is no visual indication of who is participating in sexual activities. It is only the pregnant woman suffers from the "immoral" label. Because she is pregnant and unmarried, she must be promiscuous. That, unfortunately, is the punishment have placed our society and the system in women.

At the time our daughter was 18 months old, my friendship with her father was in the process of recovery, and for the next 7 years I considered him a best friend. I put a lot of thought in the life of my son would be without their parents to get along and be supportive of each other. With all my strength selfish I did not want to bite the bullet, but it was not me me me more. Quit drugs, and even stopped smoking. The court verified paternity through DNA tests (ordered by the court to begin collecting child support and recover hospital costs initially paid by Medicaid). It was not until I was 2 years started paying child support, and their pay is closer to $ 3,000.00.

It was cut in an event before, when our daughter was 5 months old, he would lie under oath for the first time declared financially provided for her daughter and saw her regularly. He called for a motion that prevents me from leaving the state of Michigan the daughter that he was denied his. In this paternity is not established in time, nor was a court order for visitation entered and / or support. This did not happen until he was almost 2 years old. The judge ruled in favor of the father and I was not to move our child's residence out of state of Michigan.

Over the next 8 years, life continued. My family was complete, I found my life partner, I ran my own company success, and subscribed to a program of intensive leadership development. I coordinated and hosted charity benefits for our children from abuse and neglect local Council, regularly met with the superintendent and guidance with my kids and school district managers on topics such as leadership and parenting, and was invited to be a guest speaker for race day. I am deeply involved in my children's education and to provide volunteers in their schools. Every week I meet with them individually on his lunch hour. These are our special "dates."

I do not mean to sound my own horn. I just want you to be able to measure my participation. While this is only an educational standpoint, the level of participation is transferred to all facets of their lives.

This is where my life became a corner:

I received notification on June 25, 2008 that the non-custodial parents asked the court for a custody change. In Michigan, there are 12 factors considered in determining the best interests of the child. " Basically it's a game …. who receives the most points wins.

I was completely blind-sided. There was a request to me requesting a change of custody due to abuse and lack of financial resources. I can not even begin to express my shock and disbelief in this regard. Here was an erroneous testimony alleging that I physically abused my daughter often cursed her, screaming uncontrollably and could not financially support extra-curricular activities such as gymnastics for her.

I was scratching their heads, wondering if it was a cruel joke.

In April 2008, for the first time since a child support order was entered, I asked the court to consider a revision of child support. Because the father lives in Indiana, this complicates the orders regarding child support. He does not pay what are the rules for Michigan, but my daughter and I lived in Michigan. He pays according Indiana formulas to be considerably lower. Our son was a baby, and the cost of daily maintenance has increased in recent 7 years.

I received a call from him days after facing calls me about the review. When I told him that, actually, I requested the review, changed everything. Our friendship turned a corner, and return the money came in the form of a change of custody motion on June 25, 2008.

An order for mediation has been provided. This is a "service" provided in the framework of the Friend of the Court. This mediator is not bound by the rules of family law and is acquitted potential claims that could arise from their recommendations …. good, bad or indifferent. In other words, if the mediator is incompetent (to put it nicely), you can not submit a lawsuit against as a result. They are untouchable. How convenient.

Of the 12 factors in a genuine and transparent world, I would support only 8 factors and is also responsible for share of 4 factors. The only way it would be possible for us to share the 4 factors were the direct result of my conviction my daughter and her father would have to spend more time together than what the court was ordering. A normal parent, child bond would have been impossible with a weekend per month (which was the court order).

Unfortunately, this is not a truthful and transparent world. It is a world full of sadness selfish inadvertently biting people (And many of them are in politics).

My thoughts are in mediation, was that she (the mediator) instantly see that the testimony of the plaintiffs was crazy. I was confident that the mediator might be smart, have an eye and ear for inconsistencies, and might be able to decipher accurately between truth and falsehood.

Moreover, since it is a part of my way of communicating, I never thought twice about using metaphors, analogies or directives. Smart discussion of the facts regarding my relationship with my daughter and her father were both unsuccessful in their entirety in the written recommendation prepared by the mediator.

1 An example of the many seriously biased pieces of the conversation is as follows:

I was sharing with the conciliator how out of my 4 children each have different personalities …. same father …. 4 different personalities. I took this analogy I'm about to share leadership of a speaker motivational. The speaker gave this talk was entitled "Buffalo and Butterflies." I told the mediator, "I have 4 children. What else can I describe it this way: 2 Butterflies …. happy, bouncy, and swinging. I have a mosquito …. This little guy is always attached to me, either in the hip or in my lap. So, I have my buffalo. She has a strong will, it is difficult to move once your decision is made, and sometimes just "stubborn.

What I said and the context in which I said is not transmitted in the same way in the recommendation. The mediator writes this in the final recommendation: "This mother refers to her son as a bull!"

That's it. Would you say that accurately conveyed my statement?

Here's another account:

I asked What could my daughter oppose her father alive. Because there is only one answer to this question, one reason was: "My daughter is a child extremely bright. She is receiving their education from one of the best schools in the state. Children are tested in school and is a school dedicated to the creative arts and academic giftedness. My daughter is surrounded each day for cultural diversity and higher education. These children are able to attend any university in the country. My daughter has the potential to be a brain surgeon. The Amish community lives his father in the percentages of primary school leavers are numbered. If they graduate, they will work in local factories trailer, farms, and overseas. My daughter can be much more than that. His father, grandfather and great grandfather all worked for family excavation business. Your education here will help position them to live more successful than he had.

This is what I wrote mediator in the recommendation: "The reason for this mother for not wanting your child to live in Indiana is because she said her daughter will grow up to be nothing more than an employee grocery store if you live with your dad. "He left out all the other reasons I gave, as she has 3 younger siblings at home …. how it might change their lives no longer have his sister with them?

Here's another:

In an attempt to defend the allegations made False damage and promiscuity, which he shared with the mediator that I only had a handful of relationships, each were very significant. I told him that at least I knew the names of people who share my bed while my daughter's father did not. He lost his virginity in a different country while in a stupor alcoholic. I did not know the girl … not even his name. After the birth of our daughter, who frequented the gentlemen's clubs "and paid for sexual pleasures.

This is how the mediator drafted in your recommendation: "The girl's mother said she knew the names of the men she sets out with." Nothing more was written about this conversation. This bit of conversation went on the recommendation under the moral fitness factor parents. He was favored in this factor. Also, while in court, counsel for the father asked me: "I told the mediator that he knew the names of men who register with?". Then he gave that laugh accomplice and is little used body language intended to intimidate. Still makes my skin crawl to this day. I said yes, "….. but then she stopped and said: "It was a yes or know answer." I was not allowed to finish.

There are many more … many more accounts and inaccurate poor note taking. Most of my testimony was not reflected in the final recommendation. It is my belief that the mediator had formed his mind a few minutes of our introduction.

Go back to the first day of the interview: I was not prepared for 4 hours bash-fest duration was about to embark on when I entered the mediators office along with my daughters father. I thought that the mediator will discuss each factor systematically with us and allow each one in turn to share our side. That's not what happened. As soon as he made a clarification to the protocol and began mocking. This man had been well rehearsed by his lawyer on what to say and when to say it. However I was not. My lawyer advised me to be honest and transparent.

It became clear almost immediately that his words had been practicing. He also knew exactly everything that the mediator is going to ask. As a matter of fact, everything he said before it was asked, in the whole line. He came up for air after 4 hours.

All I could manage was frequent protests. Could not get an word in the song, nor gave me the opportunity. He was attacking the guilt and resentment, that nothing had a grain of truth. The mediator wrote all what I was saying, and carried over to the final recommendation. She did not and could not verify anything he claimed, because none of it was true.

My thoughts were, literally, spinning in my head. Where does it come? How he came up with it? Wait, some of these features are its not mine, but he blames me? This should be a very bad dream! Pages and pages explained erroneous garbage value bull, and now, all that was left with the hope that the ombudsman would see through it.

Because they were not even close finish the interview / interrogation, on another occasion was scheduled this …. time, we went separately. I was much more comfortable with that. When I sat down with mediator, she went through each factor to me. The interview lasted about 1 1 / 2 hours and during that time, she wrote down some notes only a handful of times. That alarmed me.

When my ex was interviewed alone, given the opportunity to pull the most terrible accusations about me out of his magic bag. This time, my protests.

I'll tell you my feelings about him, pulled a quick U-turn. This is a person who praised me as an individual and as a parent in the last 7 years a person who calls me almost daily just to chat, a person who drove me to open my heart again to me as a friend and opened his home to the weekends came to pick up our daughter, but the roads were too bad to travel, a person who called me to his best friend.

I realized it was right for a person wearing a facade for all those years, planning all along to make this move, or was the relationship starts, and the commitment was in that gave rise to east. It's really something to witness selfishness … is. All I have, but for some, going through a kind of metamorphosis. When you give wings selfishness, which can and will go to anything. Plowing is anything and everything that gets in their way and not look back, because it has no conscience.

I knew on the basis of recommendation final which continued for a private meeting with fictitious shed some additional details out there for the record.

In the end, the noncustodial parent is in favor of the 12 factors. Saginaw County Friend of the Court Mediator does not favor me into one. His testimony became evidence "hard" necessary for sole physical custody.

During the final court hearing, my lawyer criticized holes through the testimony of the applicant and the recommendation was devalued the mediator by witnesses and documentation drive. The principal and teachers were witnesses, my husband and my mother. My lawyer said one inconsistency after another. Went through each factor, line by line and anyone with a brain size of a pea even concluded that the allegations lacked evidence, some even with silly humor, and the recommendation made by the friend of the court was empty and test mediator has been developed exclusively heard only one side.

I lost custody of my daughter that day. My children lost their sister. The same leniency and generosity offered to his father during those years was not given to me (with every other weekend visits, extended summer breaks, and the distribution of all school holidays). The judge was very close to the revocation of my legal rights custody and verbalized this in the last seconds of his sentence.

It has been 10 months since lost custody. Our lives have changed so much, and so did my daughters. Everything only his father favored by the mediator or did not exist or exist only for a moment, the enough time to get on the record. I was granted a weekend per calendar month. I am responsible to lead Indiana to look at that on Friday and arrived home at 8 pm. We have all day Saturday to reconnect, and after beating away on Sunday afternoon. I can not see at all for the rest of 2009 days party, or the first half of 2010 holidays. We live 156 miles away, and Michigan, where the parties live more than 150 miles away, which by default are granted only 1 visit per month (plus a weekend). While the judge knew that he will have every other weekend visitation with our daughter, do not feel driven or goodness to do the same.

She is being raised by her single father whose engagement was canceled shortly after the arrest has been changed. Their relationship completely collapsed and his girlfriend and their infant son moved. My daughter who is now 10 does not have a maternal influence on a daily basis, just 1 1 / 2 days per month. Not one to sit down and talk with "things" girl, do not Mumma to play with her hair, or cosmetic surgery on their snug-as-a bug – in-one carpet at night, no Mumma have "spa nights" with (this is when we left all our valuables and make beauty makeovers and pedicures). The daughters need their mother. Forty and eight hours per month is unreasonable and fail to embrace a mother / daughter. It is not even nearly enough time!

If I had to do it all again, no change anything ….. though I would have brought a voice recorder to interview mediation. There is state law that requires that the testimony be recorded in the mediation his voice.

I have learned a lesson that perhaps I have hardened, but it has been a great eye-opener:
Transparency, truth and integrity not always prevail. Sometimes you need to be dirty and cunning to reach the top. For me, I've missed something …. irreplaceable and precious, but did not lose my integrity.

Nothing has been reviewing the application for child support in late April 2008 that led to his transfer to custody in June 2008. When I contacted the division of child support in Indiana on numerous occasions before losing custody, they tell me they have not reviewed the case yet. I called the right until the day I lost my daughter. After the change of custody was ordered, I received a letter from his office stating that because custody has changed, there would be no need for revision.

About the Author

Quaker–Marriage, Divorce (1/3)